Liz Tells Frank What Happened In...

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Amen! One of my biggest pet peeves is when a really great movie series feels that it has to either A) never let the romance resolve (like what happened in X-files), or B) kill the woman off.

Cases in point for B): pretty much every Bond movie; the Bourne movies; Chronicles of Riddick; Batman; Aliens (where it’s the male love interest that gets killed off… and Newt. Poor Newt. Why?! WHY?!)

At least some movies try to “get rid” of the love interest without KILLING her/him. Like (((Spoiler Alert)))) Mission Impossible (she’s not *really* dead!), or Die Hard (they’re divorced!), or Indiana Jones (where they don’t even bother to tell you what happened to the previous female love interest… except for the blonde Nazi. She deserved to die.).

There are a few movies that don’t do this, and they work just fine. Like Rocky, Back to the Future, Romancing the Stone, Toy Story (although they better bring Bo Beep back in part 4), Star Wars (Epis. IV-VI; I pretend the other 3 don’t exist)… but these movies are few and far between.

If more writer had the guts and the skills to do it, they’d be able to create much deeper stories and avoid the Bond-cliche. A male hero doesn’t HAVE to have a different chick in every movie in order to be sexy/heroic. In fact, it kinda makes him look shallow. (Even if they killed the girl off).

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"And then… The opening scroll happens. “The taxation of trade routes to outlaying star systems is in dispute.” Frank, this is (in Lucas’s mind) the first moment of the first movie of his most epic franchise. “The taxation of trade routes to outlaying star systems is in dispute.” This is the note that starts out the greatest space adventure of our generation. “The taxation of trade routes to outlaying star systems is in dispute.” MOTHERFUCKER."

"Time for sexytimes! Naked sketching and then doing it in a car and then cutting back to the present for the first time in like an hour. Nothing like watching an old lady tell her granddaughter and a bunch of strangers the story of “the most erotic moment of my life — up until then, at least.” Such a weird scene."

"This is a difficult thing to say, but it’s possible that some of us kind of really like the show Millionaire Matchmaker. It’s possible that some of us even said at one point during the past season, “I like how this show is an hour because after half an hour you’re like, ‘This has been great, but I NEED MORE’ and then you get more!” But, those of us who may be very familiar with this show were kind of surprised when those of us who don’t finally realized the absolute nightmare that is Patti Stanger. (And then kept realizing it.) Like, uhh, yeah of course she said terrible things about Jewish people and gay people. She also says terrible things about women and, like, MOST DEFINITELY black people, though we don’t have any info to back that statement up right now. She is a terrible human! And she doesn’t believe that curly-haired women will ever get a man. And she has a terrible handmotion that she does every episode that means…actually, nevermind. It means no oral or regular or anal sex before monogamy. GROSS! Ugh, gross, keep your hand to yourself. She is the worst! She has a wonderful television show that is a total transparently produced fake-y train wreck every week, but she is a despicable human and it’s nice that everybody knows that now, in 2011."